2011年3月2日 星期三

The movie I have wtched

I once watched a movie, which was about four children.  Their mother gave birth to them but she didn’t get married, so she didn’t let anyone know her children’s presence.  They lived in a small apartment and they stayed at home all day instead of going to school when their mother was working.  One day, they got up and found that their mother had gone with some money left.  They believed that she would come back soon, so they waited patiently.  However, she didn’t come back after a long time, and the children were gradually running out of money.  One day, the eldest son called their mother up only to found that she had got married.  Their house became mess and dirty, moreover, water and electronic was cut off because they couldn’t pay the rent.  With time passing by, they began feeling despair and worried, however, as no one knew them, they couldn’t get any help.  One day, the youngest sister fell down and died.  Not knowing what to do, his brother could only bury her secretly with a girl they met in a park.  It was a sad story and I think what the children faced was very impressive.

13 則留言:

  1. 我覺得寫的很好啊。

    the eldest son called their mother up only to found that she had got married.
    "found"要用原形,因為"only to"+VR

    It was a sad story and
    I think what... 裡面的"think"要不要改過去式?
    因為整篇都是過去式嘛...。

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  2. 有一點點看不懂耶..
    所以他們的媽媽有結婚嗎?

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  3. 第三行and後面可以不用重複they

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  4. 標題的wtched 是watched嗎?

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  5. 1.Their mother gave birth to them but she didn’t get married, so she didn’t let anyone know her children’s presence. 分成兩句會不會比較好?
    2.第2個One day要不要改成別的字,看起來會比較漂亮

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  6. 標題是watched喲!!
    感覺是一個很悲傷的故事...

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  7. 標題應該是watched ~~~
    悲傷的故事 :(

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  8. 品婷好棒!!!
    文章我都找不到錯的ˊˇˋ

    感覺他們好悲慘喔...
    殘忍的媽媽!

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  9. 很感人的文章
    沒什麼錯誤...

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  10. They lived in a small apartment and they stayed at home all day
    後面的they可省略

    they began feeling despair and worried
    despair是動詞喔!
    這裡應該是要放形容詞despairing或hopeless

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  11. 標題:watched
    Their mother gave birth to them but she didn’t get married, so she didn’t let anyone know her children’s presence.
    我會喜歡拆成兩句~

    以上~
    我盡力了!
    謝謝妳的意見~
    =目

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  12. One day, the youngest sister fell down and died.
    這邊阿,妹妹為什麼會倒下?
    我覺得接的有點突然...

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  13. 1.One day, the eldest son called their mother up only to found that she had got married.
    →One day, the eldest son called their mother up only to find that she had got married.
    2.Their house became mess and dirty, moreover, water and electronic was cut off because they couldn’t pay the rent.
    →Their house became messy and dirty; moreover, water and power was cut off because they couldn’t afford the rent.
    3.With time passing by, they began feeling despair and worried, however...
    →With time passing by, they began feeling despaired and worried; however...
    4.It was a sad story and I think what the children faced was very impressive.
    →It was a tragedy and I thought what the children had faced was very impressive.
    (以上,淺見…)

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